hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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