I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
