I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize