Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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