Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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