sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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