there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
