last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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