i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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