i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
