someone threw a dead crab at me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
