So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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