my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
