U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Randomize
