If i come over, it means nothing
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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