I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
