quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
