Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize