i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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