11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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