You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
