But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
