you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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