My nipple is on Facebook.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
