Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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