i just wanna soil my oats bro
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
