Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
