I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
