she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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