So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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