walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
