she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
