it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
