I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
