Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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