So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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