lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
