I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
