happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize