I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
