Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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