You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
