Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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