I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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