I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
