If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
