Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
