I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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