im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
