your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize