She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
