She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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