He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize