guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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