If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
