haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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