I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
