i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
