if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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