I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Say something about gay babies.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
