***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
