Will you blow on my dice?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
