i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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