I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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